Cog:
The latest version of Textpad is good. I know a few of you out there use it, and the latest version fixes a lot of the annoying bugs from previous versions. http://www.textpad.com

Jaecen:
You mean the bug where it’s inferior to Notepad++?

Juke:
The only annoying bug I found was the first 10 seconds after you open Textpad and it’s all like “buy me, jerk.” Notepad++ ftw.

V3M4:
Go open up the 600mb log file for CM in Notepad++, and then let me know what happens.

Indie:
I think it creates a black hole or something.

Juke:
When my program generates a 600MB text log file, it gets uninstalled.

V3M4:
I tried to uninstall CM, everyone yelled at me!

Juke:
CM has a built in dos command to tear the fabric of space time. It’s a feature.

Christian:
Ok Ms. Hawkings

Juke:
That’s Mrs.

dizzy: what are you doing for lunch?

juke: cutting myself.

dizzy: aww, you’re too old for that. what’s wrong?

juke: i’m hormonal.

dizzy: are you pregnant?

juke: don’t you have to have sex to get pregnant? can you catch it from a toilet seat?

dizzy: that’s how i always get it.

juke: are you there tammy? it’s me, margaret.

dizzy: hello margaret. every girl has a period.

juke: really?

dizzy: it’s the way i intended it.

juke: but…why?

dizzy: so you could make babies and be tied to the home for the rest of your lives.

dizzy: and let men be important.

juke: but…how will i be able to provide for the family?

juke: don’t homes need a second income?

dizzy: homes need a mother, a nurturer, a maid. that is your role in life, margaret, and it is my will that you accept it.

juke: well…okay then.

juke: do all women have meaningless lives like mine will be?

dizzy: harlots who can’t accept their fate are doomed to misery and will go to hell.  sorry.

juke: wow. you’re an unforgiving god.

dizzy: fuck you, slut

What does the ‘A’ stand for anyway?

An excerpt from a seriously interesting conversation I had at work today:

juke: pretty sure no one should ever be named “wally”.

jason: yeah.

juke: i just wouldn’t trust a guy named “wally”.

jason: or if your name is wally you should have to wear a red and white striped shirt and a pointy hat.

juke: wasn’t that “waldo”?

jason: yeah…but i always called him wally.

juke: oh, so you and him were good buddies then?

jason: yeah…he was never around when you needed him though.

Today marks the third month in the Pirate Ninja Alliance. I have thoroughly enjoyed every waking (and sleeping) moment of it. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a real live actual grown up mutually agreeable relationship, I’d almost forgotten the joys of being a part of something so simply wonderful.

In the past 3 months I have:

made very good use of my Blockbuster Video account
rediscovered reading (books!)
gained 10 pounds
used my stove twice
no shame in wearing sweatpants in public
the most fantastic haircut ever
eaten more quiche than any one person should ingest in a lifetime

I am pleased. Very, very pleased.

I am a sponge.

I am concentrated awesome because I am a sponge.

I retain properties & characteristics of those I surround myself with. My personality, the way I speak, the words I choose, the way I use my hands, my smile, my laughter, how I react to certain things, my likes & dislikes, all of my mannerisms and behavioral ticks…are all qualities possessed by the ones I choose to call friend.

This is why I am particular about the company I keep. I know that I will eventually take a part of them with me, so I want to make sure they have plenty of good parts to spare.

From James, I will adopt generosity, temperance, and his newfound humility. He has little to give, but offers everything he has to those that deserve it.

I looked at him last night as if it was the last night I would look at him. The evening in it’s entirety had an air of finality. With every breath I drew, I exhaled the remaining pieces of all that was and could have been. The things that never happened, the things we regret, the choices we made, the choices we didn’t think we had. It was a night to let go. Of everything.

I chose my words carefully, as I would when speaking to a friend on their deathbed. We died last night, to be reborn as new friends. Good friends.

I forgave him for the lapses in judgement. The things he held on to that he mistakenly blamed himself for. I’m not angry anymore.

Only God gets it right the first time.

Jack got her first (assisted) kill today.

I don’t count moths, because they’re just too damn easy.

We got home after dinner…as I opened the door, I saw Milo run like the wind out the back door, while Jack just sat there, and looked behind her as Milo made his getaway, leaving her at the scene of the crime.

I’ve never seen her look so guilty.

Even the time she puked under the bed and didn’t tell me about it and I eventually found it after a week of thinking I just seriously needed to do laundry.

The mouse was in the bathroom.

A flattened corpse.

At first sight, I walked outside. I know I should be proud, but I know Milo helped her, and I don’t want her to think that she can go around getting kudos for having Milo do all the hard work. She’s got to earn her praise. On her own.

I looked at Mike, he looked at me. I turned around and went outside.

“What is it?”

I said nothing.

“Is it a spider?”

Silence.

“…a bird??”

…Nothing.

“a mouse??! It’s a mouse isn’t it. FUCK.”

He collects the broom and dustpan and heads to the scene. He starts to sweep it up, then he jumps back.

“IT MOVED. Just now! Did you see it? It’s alive! It talked — DUDE IT SAID SOMETHING. It’s a fucking ZOMBIE MOUSE.”

I’m a paranoid blog-reader.

Only because I know what plug-ins are available these days, having a fancy blog myself, and I don’t want anyone to catch me searching for myself on their blog. I know I’ll be disappointed to not find a single entry about myself…not even an honorable mention I’m sure. It’s a little depressing. But I know that I vastly enjoy making fun of people that search for themselves on my blog. You know who you are. And now you know I laugh at you.
Riotously.
I’d hate to be on the other end of riotous laughter.

I recently rediscovered my First Boyfriend Ever on MySpace (the one I basically blackmailed into going out with me by threatening to give a lousy performance in the school play which was equally important to both of us (because we were the leads)…this is also the one that dumped me the day I almost invited him to an Ani concert (who he loved) but couldn’t because he wanted to tell me his stupid thing first and jokes on him because I ended up taking my BFF Reyna to the concert instead). I love you MySpace.
It’s shocking, how much and how little can change in such a large gap of time. I always expect people to still be a little chubby, even though they’ve mostly all lost their baby fat since back-in-the-day. He’s all grown up now, and smart…and making fun of Natalie Gluckman with me. It’s amazing, how even after 12 years I can still get the same satisfaction out of knowing I’m better than her and she still completely sucks. She was self absorbed. Snotty. As short as she was she always found a way to look down her nose at people. She stuck her ass out when she walked.

She’s so self absorbed, that she probably googles herself daily. I hope she finds this and cries.

That’s right bitch!! CRY!

I really have nothing to say. I just have 10 minutes to kill, waiting for an email that will likely not come until tomorrow.
I was thinking that if I started posting a blog that an interesting topic would come to me magically, and it hasn’t yet, so I think I might give up soon.

In other news, I think I’m in good with The Best Friend. I’ve been trying to gain acceptance by das Pirate’s friends for some time now, with this one particular friend, I had just about lost all hope on after one of my more brilliant insert-foot-in-mouth moments. I figured the hole I’d dug myself was too deep to climb out of, but it looks like I might just make it. He’s a hell of a guy. The kind you want on your side for the Zombie revolution. I think now, he’d let me hang out with him instead of being zombie food. If that ain’t success I don’t know what is.

I’m making CD’s for Cincinatti. And realizing now just how fucking inconvenient it is being deaf in one ear when you’re trying to mix music with headphones. Yay for desktop speakers.

Nothing’s shocking. I’m in love with a boy that tells me bedtime stories.

You are all jealous.

~fin~

Joe: Bacon = Good, God is Good, therefore God = Bacon, and since we know bacon exists then God must exist too.  I leave it as an exercise if bacon answers prayers.

Juke: God != Bacon

Joe: I just proved it.
Logic doesn’t lie.

Juke: how do you know God = Good?
or are you basing your proof on an assumption?

Joe: Because bacon is good.

Juke: every square may be a rectangle, but not every rectangle is a square.

Joe: God is square?
Wow.
You’re smarter than me.

Juke: bacon = rectangle.

Joe: Yup, you win.

Juke: i still don’t get it.
do you have any dental floss?

Joe: Yes.

Juke: why does bacon inherit the properties of God?
is it a child object?

Joe: public class Bacon:IGod
You have to implement all the properties of God yourself, though.

Juke: i’m confused. is bacon an object or a class?
does it have static properties?

Joe: Class, you have to call it’s constructor to instantiate it.

Joe: No, no, it’s a object.

Juke: God is it’s constructor?

Joe: Yes.
Now you’re getting it.

Juke: i see.

Joe: You can call:
Bacon.Fry();
or God.Fry();
But the 2nd one is much worse.
God.Fry(person);
Person person = new Person();
God.Fry(person);
person.dispose();

Juke: so the properties actually belong to Bacon, as opposed to the objects of Bacon.

Joe: Um.  Yes.
Not static.

Juke: static

Joe: No, because before it was bacon it was inherited from the pig class, which is not static.
It moves.

Juke: that creates a whole nother level of complication
the pig isn’t necessarily static either then.

Joe: Pig pig = new Pig();
pig.Feed(food);
Bacon bacon = pig.Slaughter();

Juke: wow.
what framework are you using?

Joe: RealLife

Juke: ah ok.

Joe: It’s in beta.

Juke: sweet.

Joe: Half of it doesn’t work right.
Occasionally it crashes and leaves you heartbroken.

Juke: God is null or not an object.

Joe: Nice!  I love it.
Now I have to kill myself.

Juke: me too.
in 10

Joe: Pffft, you got a pirate.
You’re set.

Juke: he’s grand.

Joe: Rum and treasure for life.

Juke: yeah. he comes with excellent properties.
abstract even.

Juke: So, do you want to stop by Vegas and get married on the way?
Pirate: On the way to where?
Juke: Hmm…Munich.
Pirate: I love Munich.
Juke: Yeah, it’s beautiful there.
Pirate: You’ve been there?
Juke: No.
Juke: What’s it like in Europe? Are there any fat people?
Pirate: No. Not really.
Juke: Are there any rednecks there?
Pirate: Yeah, they’re called the French.